Finding My Beat
by delightful-fear
Summary: Kurt is starting his third year at NYADA, and Blaine moved back to Ohio to coach the Warblers after they ended their engagement. Kurt is trying to get back into dating, but it's not going that well... He just needs a little help from an old friend, Elliott. Canon Compliant until halfway through the first episode of Season 6. (KELLIOTT, AU)
1. Chapter 1

Kurt rushed out of the coffee shop, tears streaming out of his eyes, barely able to see where he was going. Just needing to get away...

Unfortunately, he ended up crashing into a taller man, making him spill hot coffee over both of them.

"Fuck!"

They both swore at the same time, looking down at the coffee all over their clothes. Kurt was dressed in white jeans now splattered with coffee, and his grey and white patterned dress shirt was soaked too.

The other man wasn't much better, his white t-shirt showing at least half the coffee had landed on him.

"Oh fuck! I'm so, so sorry!" Kurt said, looking up at the taller man, and recognition shocking him. "Elliott?" He wasn't wearing any make-up and his hair was covered with a baseball cap, worn backwards, but otherwise he didn't look much different.

The man was pulling his wet shirt away from his chest to keep it from dripping on his blue jeans. He glanced up. "Kurt? What the fuck are you doing here?"

They both started laughing at that. Kurt was still upset from the botched date, and his churned up emotions, and now from running into an old friend.

"Look, my apartment isn't far from here. How about we grab a couple new coffees and go back there? You can change into some of my clothes," Elliott said.

...

Twenty minutes later, Kurt was setting down their coffee cups on the kitchen counter, and looking around the small apartment. Elliott immediately rushed into the bedroom and Kurt could hear him shuffling around in a closet.

He came out with some folded clothes. "Um, I hope some of this will fit you."

Kurt thanked him as he took the pile. He glanced around awkwardly. Should he slip into the bedroom or bathroom to change?

Elliott half turned away, pulling off his wet t-shirt and looking down at the coffee stain in dismay. "Fuck! And I loved this shirt."

Seeing how casual Elliott was about stripping down, Kurt took a deep breath, and steeled himself. _You are a college student. An adult. It's not a big deal to change here. You won't be taking your underwear off. Don't be such a prude._

Despite that internal voice, Kurt was shy enough to step behind the kitchen counter to be half-hidden from Elliott's view. He quickly stripped off his wet shirt and white jeans, and pulled on a loose red t-shirt and black drawstring shorts. They fit fine, with the baggy shorts coming down to almost his knees.

Walking over to Elliott, he glanced down at his soggy t-shirt. It was white with a sepia picture of slim blond man. "Oh, that's Bowie?"

Elliott nodded. "Yeah. His mugshot from when he was arrested in Rochester in 1976 for pot possession. Never went back there again, even though the charges were dropped a couple months later."

"Well, I know how to get the stains out," Kurt said, grabbing the shirt and his clothes. He went to the kitchen sink and soon had them soaking in warm water, dish soap and a dash of vinegar.

They curled up on an old sofa, sipping their coffees. It was a sunny September morning, and the small apartment looked cheerful, packed with instruments and music posters.

"So, what had you running down the street, crying?"

Kurt sighed, swallowing a big mouthful of coffee. He had been hoping Elliott hadn't noticed his tears with the whole coffee mess. "I had a date."

Elliott chuckled, raising an eyebrow. "At 10am on a Saturday? And it went that badly?"

"It was just a coffee date, a first date," Kurt rushed on to explain. "Um, I don't know if you heard, but Blaine and I broke up a few months ago."

Nodding slowly, Elliott's light blue eyes held Kurt's, trying to read his emotional state probably. "So, you must be OK with that, since you are dating now..."

Kurt's eyes welled up again, and he felt completely embarrassed. He set his drink down on the coffee table, and covered his face with his hands. Shoulders shaking as he tried to get himself back under control.

Elliott pulled him into a hug, and Kurt sank into it gratefully. He didn't say anything, just stroked his back and let Kurt cry it out.

Eventually, he pulled back and went to the washroom, splashing his face with water and trying to look normal again.

When he came back out, Elliott was pouring his coffee into a tall glass full of ice. "They were getting cold anyways. Want a shot of Baileys or Kahlua in yours?"

"At," Kurt looked down at his watch, "11:05 in the morning?"

Elliott shrugged, and added a healthy shot of coffee-flavoured liquor to both glasses and stirred them. "I think this should be the first of many drinks today. Fate pushed you into my path, Kurt. I'm here to get you drunk and get you talking about your break-up."

Kurt took a big sip of the drink, the strong alcohol taste suiting his mood. "Are you sure? I haven't seen you for ages. You don't need to hear me go on and on about Blaine."

"Look, I've had my share of love gone bad too, and bent the ears of a few friends. Let me pay it forward."

"In that case, bring the bottle," Kurt chuckled weakly, trying for a joke. He sunk down on the sofa and pulled a blanket over his bare legs.

Elliott brought the Kahlua with him, joining him at the other end of the sofa.

...

A few hours later, about half the bottle was gone. Elliott kept topping up their glasses, so Kurt has no idea how much he'd actually had to drink. He was feeling no pain.

At some point, they had wandered down to the laundromat, throwing the stain-free wet clothes in with a load of Elliott's laundry. He had packed their drinks into insulated coffee travel mugs, and Kurt felt quite decadent, half-drunk and chatting with his old friend like they hadn't had a day apart.

"Mmmmm hot dogs," Kurt sighed, taking in the aroma as they left with the basket of dry clothes later.

Elliott eyed the corner hot dog stand skeptically. "Are you sure, Kurt? I can make you a sandwich back at my place."

Kurt shook his head stubbornly, and they soon had big smokies covered in spicy mustard, grilled onions and sauerkraut. They sat on a low cement wall, gobbling down the greasy, messy food.

"You've got a bit of mustard there," Elliott said, pointing to the side of his mouth.

"Oh, shit, where?" Kurt said, sticking out his tongue and licking that corner of his mouth, seeking the mustard.

It had Elliott chuckling really hard, bending over and closing his eyes. "I'm sorry, Kurt. It's just that I never thought I'd see you like this. Dressed so casually, kinda drunk, eating junk food..."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm Mr. Prim and Proper. The Ice Prince. Ol' Stick in the Mud Kurt."

He grabbed the laundry basket and stood up, only swaying a little. "Look, I just want to change and go home now, OK?"

Elliott stood up, throwing the last part of his hot dog into the garbage. "Kurt, I didn't mean it like that...," he said, trailing behind the other man. Obviously, he had taken offence to something he'd said.

By the time they were back in Elliott's apartment, Kurt had worked himself into a snit. He was sorting through the laundry, dragging his clothes out and pulling off Elliott's clinging socks with a look of distaste.

He marched back behind the kitchen counter and yanked off his borrowed t-shirt. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said dismissively. "I've heard it from everyone, my whole life. Everyone shocked when they hear I worked in my father's shop and changed oil quicker than any of the other grease monkeys. Shocked if I swear or say anything raunchy. Even my own fiancé, I mean ex-fiancé-"

He was shoving his borrowed shorts down during this rant, and at the mention of Blaine, got emotional again.

Elliott swore softly, and came forward. He just silently helped Kurt step out of the shorts and straighten up. "Your ex-fiancé?"

Kurt sighed, looking at his friend standing so close in front of him, his eyes going dull. "Even my ex-fiancé believed I was some repressed prude. As sexy as a fifty year old spinster librarian. That's a big reason why we broke up."

"Come on, Kurt," Elliott said softly. "You know that's not true. I remember him pushing his way in here once, ranting at how I was trying to steal you from him. It was pretty impressive."

The idea of Blaine barking up at a man five inches taller than he was made Kurt chuckle a little. "He did?"

Elliott smirked back. "He even called me a Glitter Rock Vampire."

Kurt still didn't look much happier. "A lot of that was him just being possessive. We looked like the perfect couple from the outside, but we started having problems in senior year."

Drawing him over to the sofa, Elliott wrapped him in a blanket. "What happened?"

"Have you heard of the term 'lesbian bed death'?"

Elliott scoffed. "Sure. Are you saying you two..."

Kurt nodded. "I just thought it was me, really. Even though he's a year younger, he was always more adventurous than me. Wanted to go to a gay nightclub when we were underage. Wanted to try new things. We were both virgins, but I was the one holding back."

"But you eventually had sex, right? And it was good?" Elliott asked softly.

Flushing slightly, Kurt cursed his fair skin. "Yes, it was good. But after a couple months, we hardly did it anymore. That's not normal for two teenage guys."

Elliott took his hand, his thumb stroking over the back of it. "Kurt, don't beat yourself up over this. I know you had another boyfriend when you moved to New York. How was it with him?"

Kurt sighed, looking away. "It was a rebound relationship. I was too screwed up over Blaine cheating on me to really get into things that deeply with him. We made out and fooled around a bit, but nothing that intense."

"Look, everyone takes things at their own speed and everyone has different libidos. You have been through a lot with moving here and being in such a challenging program. I doubt sex was the only factor that led to your break-up."

Kurt sighed again. "Most people my age have dated dozens of people, and have all this figured out."

"It clearly bothers you, or you wouldn't have gotten all huffy and ranted about being treated like an Ice Prince," Elliott said, squeezing his hand before letting it go. "I think it's time you took a good hard look at yourself and figure out what you want. If you want Blaine back, go get him. If you want to date more people and get more experienced in sex, you can do that too. Or maybe you will find out that you are more asexual. That's OK too. Your twenties is all about trying new things and figuring yourself out."

"I can just run around and fuck dozens of guys?"

Elliott chuckled. "Why not? This is New York, not Ohio. Nobody's judging you here. Do what you want to do. Figure yourself out before you get into another committed relationship. It's more fair to both of you."

Kurt looked down at his hands. He recalled his disastrous date that morning, running out in tears within a few minutes, and knew Elliott was right.

The blanket slipped off his shoulder, and as he reached down to pull it back up, Elliott's hand was there, doing the same thing. He let go, allowing Elliott to pull it back in place.

"Um, thanks, Elliott. That's good advice. Thanks for being such a good friend," he mumbled, and looked up.

Elliott was looking at his bare chest, making Kurt suddenly aware of how little he was wearing. Sitting in just his underwear and a blanket, with a slightly older gay man. A very attractive gay man. He swallowed hard, and their eyes met. He could see the heat there.

He'd had looks like that from other men, of course, and was adept at giving them the cold shoulder. Turning away, dismissing their interest. But this was Elliott. A friend. Someone he'd spent so much time with in the past. Someone he'd had so much fun with. He couldn't do that with him.

Instead, he found himself looking at his mouth. He had full lips and a bit of light scruff. Found himself leaning closer. Saw Elliott's eyes widen a bit, and then darken as he met Kurt halfway.

It started out as a light kiss, barely touching their lips together. Kurt found he was hardly breathing. Partly from shock that this was happening, and the rest from fear that his emotions would rise up and have him crying again.

But a different feeling rose up. Pure, deep hunger. Lust. Instead of the gradual warming he'd always felt when kissing Blaine, this was like a wave of heat rushing from his center outwards, every nerve ending zinging on.

He gasped, pressing in closer, going for a deeper kiss, and Elliott met him. Kissing him back just as eagerly. Moaning when Kurt shifted closer, the blanket sliding to the floor.

"Kurt," Elliott said, in a warning tone. His body was very welcoming, leaning back as Kurt crawled closer, his hand sliding down his back.

Seeing how much a couple kisses were affecting him made Kurt curious for more. He straddled Elliott's lap, kissing him deeply, pushing his baseball cap off to sink his hands into his hair.

But instead of jet black strands, they were auburn. It was enough to jar Kurt out of kissing Elliott and lean back, looking him over. "Red?"

Elliott gave a rueful smile. "It's my natural colour, actually. I'm getting too old to dress up like Starchild all the time."

It took a couple moments to get used to seeing Elliott this way. His auburn hair was still long on top, with short back and sides. His scruff did have a reddish tinge. The colour complimented his light blue eyes.

"Things sure change in a year," Kurt said, sitting back a little.

Elliott took his hand. "Like that we are both single now." He said it softly, looking down at their hands for a few seconds, before looking up again.

"I'm attracted to you, Elliott," Kurt admitted. "But I'm not in the best place right now, and I don't want to screw up our friendship."

"It's your call, Kurt. I'm OK with just being friends, but if you want something more..." Elliott said, leaning back against the arm of the sofa.

Kurt could swear Elliott was giving him come hither eyes. He was saying he was OK with just being friends, but he clearly wanted more. And Kurt was shocked to find he did too.

He leaned forward, crashing their mouths together, delighting in the way his arms came around him and his legs bracketed his hips. Passionate. Making him feel completely desired.

...

It was late by the time Kurt came out of the bathroom, freshly showered, and buttoning up his shirt. He leaned down over Elliott, giving him a lingering kiss. "Don't get up. I'll show myself out."

"Goodnight, Kurt," Elliott said softly, looking sleepy.

It was tempting to crawl back into bed with him, stay the night like Elliott had invited. But this was just sex for fun. Friends with benefits. He had always rushed things with Blaine. This time, he would stop trying to make things more than they were. He would be a realist.

"Goodnight."

He clicked the door shut, and walked to the subway. It was a mild September night. He felt pleasantly tired. It had been a crazy, emotional day. Nervous about the date, crying and emotional in front of his date and Elliott about Blaine, and then drunk and angry. Talking so openly with Elliott about his past, his relationships.

How did it get to having hours of amazing sex with Elliott? He had woken up with no idea that the day would end this way, his body pleasantly sore, well used. Well fucked. He sat down gingerly on the hard subway seat, feeling a zing from where Elliott had bit his ass at some point. His skin had whisker burn in many places.

Smirking to himself, he was sure Elliott would be moving just as slowly tomorrow. Kurt had been just as rough on him, and there were a few bites and scratches. He replayed it all in his head, getting a little aroused again despite all those previous orgasms.

Was Elliott that good, or had Blaine been a really bad lover? Or had they really been lacking sexual chemistry? Maybe it was 99% romantic love, with barely a pinch of attraction.

It made Kurt question everything. So this was why people were so into sex. He had always thought it was overrated, and he'd rather see the newest rom-com movie, holding hands and sharing popcorn in a dark theatre, than spend a few hours in bed with a guy.

But the time with Elliott had flown by. Every time he had thought they were done, they would get talking and joking around, touching and teasing each other. And before he knew it, they would be kissing and things were heating up again.

Was this just a new partner thing? The novelty of a new lover? How long could things stay that intense? Passionate?

Could he do this with Elliott again, or would it be too confusing? Were they just friends with benefits now? Benefits every time they saw each other, or just like, once a month? Who could he ask about this?

...

-A/N: A bit of Kelliott for you all! Kurt is in a fragile place still, confused about everything with Blaine. But I think it's time to let go of Ohio & the past and embrace being a New Yorker. Grow up a bit & own it. This is about 20K long and the draft is done. I'll post regularly.

-This story starts right after the scene from Episode 6.1 when Kurt is waiting for a coffee date and flashes back to breaking off the engagement with Blaine. By the time his date sits down, Kurt is in tears and rushes out. In this story, he crashes into Elliott, who was holding a coffee.

-Blaine: I like him but I think Glee was dumb to push them into marrying so young. Chris seemed to hate the later storylines as well. I won't bash Klaine, but I may say a few less than positive things about the relationship. Read on at your own peril. ;)

-Title: I will explain the title in a later chapter


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey Dan, and the Tech-Savvy At-Risk Youth,_

_I just broke off my engagement with my high school sweetheart a few months ago. We are both from a small town and it's been a big adjustment going to college in New York. Now I'm trying to figure out how to be a single gay guy. How does Friends with Benefits work? Do you still do normal friend stuff, or it mostly just sex? Help, please!  
I love your show, TheatreGeek_

It felt so strange, hearing his email being read out on the famous podcast. Most people left voice mails, but Kurt knew his voice was too distinctive for that. He was lucky that they had picked his email to be read.

"_Well, TheatreGeek, welcome to New York. The city is said to have more LGBTQ people than LA and San Francisco combined, so you should have no problem finding lots of guys willing to be your 'friend with benefits'. _

"_Thank God that you broke off your engagement! You were just babies! 60% of people who marry between the ages of 20-25 years old get divorced. This is your time to focus on your education and getting your career established. Have fun! Date a lot! Have safe, consensual sex with people! _

"_Friends with Benefits is whatever you decide it will be. For some, it is just a way to scratch an occasional itch. For others, it's knowing that you like each other and have good sex, but there really isn't a romantic connection. Use your words! Talk it out! Good luck, TheatreGeek!"_

Kurt chuckled, pausing the podcast when Dan Savage went on to another question. It wasn't that much new information, but confirming what he was thinking already.

It had been a week, and he'd seen Elliott two more times. Elliott had invited him to try a new Indian restaurant on Tuesday, and it been awkward at first. Both wearing nicer jeans than normal, and acting more like it was a date than hanging with a friend. They had split the bill, trying to keep up the non-date pretence, but a quick goodbye kiss ended up with Elliott pressed up against a brick wall. After ten minutes of that, they had flagged down a taxi and made out all the way back his his apartment.

Thursday, they had been text flirting, and Kurt mentioned he was done classes at 2pm. Somehow, Elliott arranged to get off work early and they were in his bed at 3pm.

Was it just fun? Fantastic sex? Kurt was starting to understand how inexperienced he was and decided to not overthink it. Give it a few months. If it was just sex, things would fizzle out by then.

...

"Mmmmm your ass looks amazing in these jeans," Elliott purred, his hands sliding from his hips to trace over his backside.

Kurt chuckled, scooting backwards out of Elliott's reach. "Behave, Ell. We are in public."

They had already had a few drinks, and were feeling pretty relaxed. Moving to the loud music, brushing against the other men on the crowded dance floor.

Elliott chuckled, stepping behind Kurt to cup his hips. "If I can't touch, I better keep other guys from doing it too."

Looking over his shoulder, Kurt smirked. "Hmmm that sounds pretty possessive. Isn't it up to me to decide who can touch my ass?"

It was just their normal flirting banter. They did it in person and texting, and Kurt was glad it was still going on after all these months. Often, it got a bit steamier, and Kurt loved that their sex was still so passionate. They were both having fun. A good time.

"Besides, you are looking damn hot yourself," Kurt said, turning around to smile up at Elliott.

He had gone all out tonight, his auburn hair sculpted into a tall swoop, smoky dark shadow making his blue eyes pop. His club clothes were dark and clinging to his tall, muscular frame.

They were both getting a lot of admiring looks, and Kurt always had fun when they went out. Often, Elliott called up other gay friends, hitting some clubs for a night a feverish dancing. He had shown Kurt how to let loose and just have fun. Dress sexy, own it, and flirt madly with anyone and everyone.

Giving Elliott a light kiss, Kurt pointed to the bar. "Just going to the bathroom & then get a drink." He left him with his friends, working his way through the crush of people.

Washrooms in gay bars were always crowded. He was in and out quickly, and made his way to the bar. He was craving something big and icy. He'd danced enough to justify the carbs.

The bartender were busy, and Kurt had a hard time being heard or seen over the other guys. It was frustrating, but he was gradually working his way closer.

"What can I get you?" A voice asked from behind.

Kurt turned, his normal 'thanks, but no thanks' reply on the tip of his tongue, when he saw who it was. "Sebastian Smythe?"

The man smiled widely. "You remember me. I'm so touched."

Rolling his eyes at the sarcasm dripping from the words, Kurt nudged him with his shoulder. "Get me a lime margarita, blended."

Sebastian waved his hand, and it was amazing how quickly a bartender was taking his order. He passed over some cash and gave Kurt a drink almost too large to hold.

"Fuck me!" Kurt chuckled, "how did you get service like that?"

Sebastian drew him over to an open space nearby. "I tip big."

The taller man leaned back against the wall, sipping his beer. Kurt sucked the boozy lime ice through his straw, loving the way it cooled him off. So delicious. He looked over Sebastian, still tall and slim, his muscular arms showing with the short sleeves of his t-shirt.

Kurt had rarely seen him except in a Dalton uniform. Tonight, he was in a fitted black tee and blue jeans that rode low in his hips. He had a laid back, confident vibe that was lacked the harsh edge of his high school days. Had he mellowed? He seemed to recall people mentioning he had changed after what happened with Karofsky.

They chatted, catching up on their colleges and programs, and what friends from Ohio were up to. But the whole time, Kurt was aware of how Sebastian was looking him over. There was definite interest there. Interest Kurt returned.

"Oh, there you are," a low voice said, and arms came around his waist, hugging him from behind.

Kurt laughed, turning his head to look at Elliott. The margarita was really hitting him now. "Hey, Ell. This is an old friend from high school, Sebastian."

The men eyed each other, and then Elliott held out his hand. "Elliott."

Sebastian smirked a bit, his sharp green eyes flicking from their faces to the arm that was still around Kurt's waist as he shook Elliott's hand. "Always nice to meet Kurt's ... friends."

Even tipsy, Kurt heard the deliberate pause, and knew what Sebastian was hinting. He chuckled, grabbing Elliott's hand to step away from him. "Yeah, we had a band and even did a few gigs a couple years ago. Been hanging out more lately."

"Cool," Sebastian purred, his eyes on their linked hands. "How's Blaine these days?"

Even after all these months, he still ran into old friends, and got this question. It still sent a pang of pain through him. Elliott sensed it, and he dropped Kurt's hand to put his arm over his shoulder. A supportive action. It felt like his good mood was draining away.

"Oh, um, he's back in Ohio, last I heard. We split up over the summer," Kurt got out, hoping he wouldn't ask anything more.

"Maybe you'll see him at Christmas then? You will be home with your parents, right?" Sebastian drawled, his eyes watching far too closely.

"That's weeks away. Sometimes they come here," Kurt just shrugged, moving out from under Elliott's arm. Suddenly, the bar just felt loud, crowded and hot. "Well, I'm feeling tired. I think I'll go home."

"No, Kurt. Come back and dance," Elliott cajoled, stepping closer to Kurt and giving him a naughty smile. It promised another hour or two of dancing, and going back to his place afterwards. Teasing each other. Building to a sexy end to the night.

Kurt shook his head. "No, you stay. Have fun with your friends. I'm fine hopping into a cab." He kissed Elliott lightly, gave Sebastian a goodbye wave and turned on his heel to go, moving away quickly in the crowd.

Outside, he breathed in the cool night air, and felt his shoulders relax. It was good being out of that crowded place.

"Kurt," a voice said softly, and then Sebastian was at his side. "Want to go to a quieter lounge? Get a drink and catch up?"

He should just go home. Should just go to bed early. But Sebastian was giving him that look again. That interested look. And it made something in Kurt perk up as well.

"Sure. Let's do that."

...

It was late by the time Kurt got home. He was still a bit drunk, but felt good. He quickly stripped down to his briefs and slipped on his robe. Washed his face, brushed his teeth, and drank a couple glasses of water.

In bed, he checked his phone. A text from Elliott asking if he got home alright. From two hours ago. Had he really been with Sebastian all that time?

Should he reply, or leave it for the morning? Would Elliott worry if he didn't reply? Would it somehow look worse if he replied now, hours later?

Why did it feel so weird? Had he somehow cheated on Elliott, spending time with Sebastian tonight? Having a few drinks? Chatting? Flirting?

Elliott was just a friend with benefits. They had never talked about being anything else. Elliott knew Kurt was still a bit sensitive about the break up with Blaine. Even tonight, he had been there, supporting Kurt, when Sebastian asked about him.

Would it be bad to go out with Sebastian? Go on a date? Have sex with him? Could he 'have benefits' with more than one friend, or did that just make him a slut? Was it OK if it was all above board? If everyone knew?

He quickly texted that he was home safe to Elliott, but didn't say where he had been. Was that bad? Sebastian had his number now. Was it bad that Kurt wanted to see him again?

...

-A/N: Kurt still figuring things out...

-Dan Savage: Seattle-based sex and relationship advice columnist since 1991. The column 'Savage Love' "appears weekly in several dozen newspapers, mainly free newspapers in the US and Canada, but also newspapers in Europe and Asia." He started doing a weekly podcast of the column in 2006. He takes questions about straight and LGBTQ topics. In 2010, he started the 'It Gets Better' Project with his husband Terry Miller, in response to the high number of teenage LGBTQ suicides around that time


	3. Chapter 3

"Kurt," Sebastian moaned, kissing along his neck. "You feel so good."

"Mmmmm...," Kurt hummed in agreement near his ear. He loved the solid weight of Sebastian's body over his, the press of his erection against his hip, even through all the layers of fabric.. His hands traced down Sebastian's long back.

They went back to kissing, Kurt loving the way he teased the tip of his tongue along his lip. Did things with that mouth that made Kurt want it other places. The thought of it made him push up against Sebastian's firm stomach.

"Fuck, you are so hard," Sebastian gasped, rocking against Kurt. "I want to touch you."

The rough whisper went straight through Kurt, and it was hard to breathe for a couple seconds. He felt that surge of heat, of pure desire, and it was a struggle to think straight.

"Um, Sebastian, I need to use the washroom," Kurt finally got out, knowing it was just a lame excuse to take a break.

Sighing in frustration, Sebastian rolled towards the back of the sofa, and Kurt eased from under him. And walked as fast as he could to his washroom. Once the door was locked behind him, Kurt felt like he could breathe again.

It had been an intense couple of weeks. Both Elliott and Sebastian were text flirting with him lots, and Kurt tried to control himself. He had been out for dinner with Sebastian, and then tonight they had gone to the ballet. Both had definitely been dates, with dressing up, and Sebastian paying for everything. He obviously had family money, since he had a gorgeous car, and his apartment was a decent size. No roommates.

Kurt enjoyed his company and knew there was a strong attraction there. But was there anything else? If they slept together, would things fizzle out after a few weeks, months?

Was that how it was going to go now? Having a new boyfriend for three months, until things faded, and moving on to the next? Was that throwing himself around, having sex with a few different guys each year? Playing Goldilocks, trying out various cocks until he found one that was 'just right'?

Or was it better to date guys and look for a romantic connection? Wait to have sex? But that's what he did with Blaine, and that didn't work out either. He had matured enough to understand that sexual connection was an important part of relationships too.

Should he sleep with enough guys to know what good sex was like, and make sure his dream guy at least got to that level?

He wanted Sebastian. Maybe it was partially fueled by their animosity during high school, but Kurt wanted to explore it. Plus, Sebastian has been a bit of a slut. What would he learn from him?

Would Elliott be mad if he slept with Sebastian? They were friends who had lots of benefits. Sometimes Kurt got the feeling he wanted more, but didn't think Kurt did. Did he? Could he go back to how things were with Elliott after being with Sebastian?

It had been long enough. He had to face things.

He came back to Sebastian, but sat beside him, and took his hand. "I'm sorry, but I think I need a break."

"Oh, OK. Want to watch a movie or something?" Sebastian asked, waving towards a bookshelf full of DVDs.

Kurt shook his head. "When I saw you at the nightclub, you asked if I was going to see Blaine at Christmas. I have decided now that I will. I was with the guy, off and on, for three years. I need some closure."

"Oh, you mean a break from dating," Sebastian said, not sounding impressed.

"I'm sorry, but I need to figure some things out."

"So, when you are back in January...?" Sebastian said, his green eyes still intent. Even though he wasn't happy with this delay, Kurt was somewhat relieved that he was considering this.

"Um, maybe? Do you think we could be friends if dating doesn't work out?" Kurt asked, cringing at the words as he said them. They sounded so wishy-washy.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I think it says a lot about how interested you are in me that you are putting our dating on hold for a month, and considering just being friends."

"I like you, Sebastian, more than I thought I would. And if I was a different type of guy, we'd be naked in your bed right now," Kurt sighed, standing up. "Perhaps it's best to just agree to be friends."

He held out his hand, wanting to leave things on a good note, but feeling a bit sad. Disappointed.

Sebastian stood up, standing almost too close, and took Kurt's hand. "No. I'll wait. Take the time you need, Kurt. Come back in January to me."

Nodding, Kurt walked to the door. Sebastian didn't let go of his hand until he gave him a long, lingering kiss.

...

The Lima bean was busy, since it was so cold outside, but Kurt was able to snag the big chairs by the fireplace. Best seats of the house.

He sipped his peppermint mocha slowly, scooping up the crushed candy cane bits off the whip cream and sucking them off his finger. A decadent treat. He deserved it.

Every time the door jangled, his heart thumped. A lot of people coming and going.

Finally, a medium drop was set down on the table in front of him, and Kurt sensed a familiar presence.

Jumping up, he turned and saw those huge warm eyes first. And then he was being hugged, hard. "Kurt. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Blaine," he said back, voice not even wobbling too much.

They took their seats, loosening the scarves from around their necks, and undoing their coats. Kurt snuck quick glances at him, and often caught Blaine doing the same.

"You look good, Blaine. Ohio is agreeing with you," Kurt finally said, feeling cliche and awkward.

Blaine smiled broadly. "It's good to be back. The Warblers just did a huge Christmas concert for alumni and parents, and it broke fundraising records."

Kurt congratulated him, and they chatted about NYADA and common friends. It got easier, and Kurt felt the ball of tension in his stomach disappearing by the time he was sipping his second drink. There were no hard feelings here. They were friendly, talking normally now, and happy for each other's successes.

"Are you seeing anyone? Dating?"

Kurt blinked in surprise at the questions. "Oh, um, a bit. Nothing that serious. You?"

Blaine nodded. "Um, yeah, actually. David Karofsky."

It was the last guy Kurt would have considered for him, but he seemed happy. He had sensed that Dave would be a good guy once he had accepted his sexuality. "And I ran into Sebastian Smythe," he admitted, not quite ready to admit to more.

Blaine's eyebrows went up. "Oh, wow! How is he? Still chasing after anything in pants?"

The description set Kurt's teeth on edge, and made him glad he hadn't said they were dating. Would his name get this reaction everywhere?

"He's doing well at Columbia. I think he's actually grown up a bit, settled down."

Blaine moved on to other topics, and Kurt nodded along. But he found himself just staring at Blaine. He seemed so young, still into the same old things, bringing up old bands and TV shows they had discussed in the past.

"Well, it was great seeing you," Kurt said a little later, giving him a long hug. "Say Hi to David and your family for me."

Blaine sent him in his way with similar well wishes.

As Kurt drove the snowy roads back home, he felt a bit lighter. Blaine was a chapter in his life. A mostly happy time of first love. Forever his school sweetheart. But he felt ready to move on now.

...

The holidays rushed along, cooking special foods and spending time with Burt, Carole and other friends who were around. It was a relaxing break from the hustle of New York. He'd always liked the lull between Christmas and New Year's Eve. All the gift giving and big dinners were done.

He was chopping up leftover turkey to put into some soup when the doorbell rang. He heard his dad answer the door, and some talking. Adding the turkey to the slow cooker, he put the lid on the pot and set the timer for three hours.

"Kurt, can you come out here?" Burt called to him from the living room.

Washing his hands, Kurt took off his chef apron. It was probably an old family friend, popping by with season's greetings or maybe a small gift.

There was a man wearing a thick olive green parka with the hood up, and a scarf covering half his face. His father was standing beside him, smiling.

Stepping closer, Kurt pasted on a polite smile. "Happy holidays," he said, holding out his hand.

A familiar chuckle came from behind the scarf, and the man pulled it downwards. "You don't recognize me?"

Kurt stared at the light blue eyes and the smile, the clean shaven face throwing him off a little. "Elliott? What the fuck are you doing here?"

His father chuckled, and slapped Kurt on the back. "It's a little Christmas surprise for you. You were mentioning him so much the past few months, I thought you'd like one of your New York friends out here around the holidays. Rachel helped me arrange it."

By the end of that little speech, Elliott had his winter coat and boots off, and gave Kurt a big hug. "Surprise! This is OK, right?"

The words were for Kurt's ears only. He nodded. "Of course. Don't be silly."

"Now why don't you show Elliott around the town? Your old school? Visit Rachel and Santana?" Burt asked, still grinning.

"I'm here for a few days. Could we maybe do that tomorrow?" Elliott replied.

This was all news to Kurt. "Of course. You are probably tired from travelling. Let's take your bag upstairs."

Eventually they escaped Burt and headed upstairs. Finn's room had been converted into a guest room, so it wasn't hard to make Elliott comfortable.

"OK, the bed is all made, because Carole obviously knew you were coming and she even left out towels. Let me know if you forgot your toothbrush or anything."

Elliott grabbed his hand as he was about to escape. "Wait. Don't I get a proper Hello kiss? I did come all this way to see you."

"Oh, I, um..." Kurt floundered, feeling uncomfortable. He had put off seeing Elliott for a few weeks, saying how busy things were at school and getting Christmas shopping done. They had still been texting often. "Yes, of course."

He meant it to be a light kiss, but as soon as their lips touched, Elliott pulled him into a tight hug. The kiss deepened, and Kurt melted against him. Such a familiar presence, a safe haven. His body reacting quickly to being close to him.

Elliott noticed right away, pushing Kurt up against the wall, and rocking against him. "Fuck, I've missed you so much."

The rough edge to his voice was one that Kurt loved to hear, knowing Elliott was just as aroused. "We can't... my parents...," he groaned, moving away. His lips felt swollen from kissing, his jeans uncomfortably tight.

All this making out with no sex with Sebastian and now Elliott was for the birds. Kurt was going slowly crazy. "But I think they are going out to a friend's place after dinner to play cards."

Elliott chuckled. "It's like being a teenager again. Scheduling sex when the adults aren't around."

Kurt grinned, the whole situation ridiculous. "Or we could wait until we are back in New York in a few days." Perhaps that would be for the best. He shouldn't be distracted by Elliott just because he was here and eager. Kurt still had to decide if he was going to keep dating Sebastian.

Would it be awful if he had sex with Elliott in the meantime? They had been friends with benefits for months. Was Sebastian dating or sleeping with other guys? They hadn't made a promise to be monogamous. Things weren't at that level...yet. Did he want them to be?

"If you are going to make me wait that long, could you please wear looser clothing? Those jeans are killing me," Elliott groaned, reaching towards his ass.

Zipping into the hallway, Kurt just chuckled. "I'll wear whatever I like. Don't look if you can't take it." The flirty banter pulled Kurt back to the present, the fun and familiar word play with Elliott.

He could hear Elliott groaning behind the closed door. Smirking, he went into his own bed stand table and grabbed a travel sized bottle of lube, and a package of tissues. Going back to Elliott's room, he knocked once and opened the door, hurling the items towards the bed, and closing the door behind him.

He smiled to himself when he heard Elliott chuckling behind the closed door.

...

-A/N: Three guys in one chapter! Past, present and future lovers?


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt was chopping up jalapeños when Elliott appeared in the kitchen, changed into a pair of tight jeans and white t-shirt that simply clung to his muscular chest.

"So, what are you making?" Elliott said, leaning his arms against the counter presumably to get a good view. That the stance showed off his ass was just a bonus, Kurt was sure.

Chuckling, Kurt waved to the other ingredients. "Jalapeño cheddar buns to go with the turkey soup. Want to wash your hands and grate that cheese for me?"

"Aye, aye, Captain," Elliott said, walking over to the sink with a pronounced hip wiggle.

Rolling his eyes at his friend's antics, Kurt unplugged the bread maker and took out the dough. It had already been kneaded and risen by the machine, so he simply rolled it out over the floured countertop and sprinkled the small pieces of jalapeño over the surface.

Elliott turned off the water, and dried his hands. He turned around, and Kurt could see the front of his shirt was quite wet. "Oops, I accidentally sprayed my shirt." The wet material was almost transparent, clinging to his chest.

"Oh my Gaga," Kurt sputtered, laughing hard. Going over to a cupboard, he pulled out another apron, and tied it on Elliott. "There."

Pouting down at his mostly covered chest, Elliott got busy grating the cheese. Kurt spread it over the bread, and then rolled it like a cinnamon bun into a long cylinder. He cut it into inch wide buns, and arranged them on a greased pan.

Elliott attached his phone to a speaker, and they were both singing along to his music as they finished making the meal and setting the table. He took every opportunity to rub against Kurt as they passed by each other, and did his own versions of sexy model poses just to keep Kurt amused.

"Enough, enough," Kurt chuckled, pulling the cooked buns from the oven. "Go change into something decent now. Dinner is in five minutes."

"Kiss me first," Elliott said, leaning against the counter.

Kurt kept up the act of being a bit irritated, giving a huff but walking right up the the man and grabbing his hips with his oven-mitted hands, and grinding against him, slow and dirty as he kissed him with everything he had.

By the time he was done, Elliott was breathing hard and his eyes were darker. "Fuck, Kurt. How long until your parents are gone?"

"An hour, at least," Kurt smirked, stepping back. Happy that he was still wearing his chef's apron, covering his own reaction to kissing Elliott like that.

Elliott escaped, and Kurt turned the music down. He dished out the soup, and called his parents into the kitchen.

When Elliott returned, he was dressed more normally, in looser jeans and a red hockey jersey. He sat down beside Kurt.

Burt's eyes lit up. "Oh, you're a Devil's fan?"

"Oh yeah. They won all those Stanley Cups when I was a teenager," Elliott replied, taking a bite of his bun. "How about you? Do you like the Blue Jackets?"

Burt pointed to his ever-present ball cap. "I'm mostly into the Buckeyes, but I usually watch the hockey playoffs. They weren't too bad last year."

Kurt rolled his eyes, passing the butter to Carole and chatting with her about the clinic she was working in lately. Elliott was certainly holding his own, talking sports with his father.

By the end of the meal, he had also charmed Carole, taking her side in a debate against Kurt about the last winner of 'Dancing with the Stars'.

"Bernadette Peters was robbed!" Kurt said hotly.

Elliott covered his hand with his own. "She's in her seventies. The winner could do the splits and a flip."

Kurt huffed. "It's a dance competition, not gymnastics."

"She's a great singer, Kurt. But her quick step was more of an amble," Carole chimed in, chuckling.

Burt stood up, and carried some plates to the sink. "Thanks for making dinner, kiddo. Come on, Carole. We'd better get going."

Within five minutes, they were out the door. Kurt had put the leftovers away and loaded the dishwasher by then, as Elliott wiped down the table and counters. All that was left was washing the large pots and pans.

Elliott pinned Kurt against the counter as soon as the door clicked shut. "How about we just let those soak for a bit?"

Kurt smirked. All through dinner, Elliott had charmed his parents, but he had been teasing Kurt too. Playing footsie, or letting a sneaky hand move along his thigh. Before dinner, the texts had been very flirty.

"And why would we do that?" Kurt asked innocently, even blinking his eyes slowly.

Practically growling, Elliott buried his face into Kurt's neck, kissing and nipping at his skin. "Because I need you right now. So fucking much."

The words sent a thrill through Kurt. It was so hot being desired like this. He was rock hard and wanted Elliott so much too. "Last one to my room, ..."

Before he could even finish the sentence, Elliott was tugging Kurt towards the stairs, his long legs taking them two at a time. Kurt practically felt like he was flying in his wake.

His bedroom door shut and Elliott was tearing his own clothes off. "Kurt, please," he whined.

Kurt's heart was thumping from running but also in excitement. He was quick undressing, shimmying his hips to ease the tight jeans off, the motion making Elliott groan.

Elliott pulled the covers back and laid down on the bed, looking gorgeous. Kurt was confident enough to slowly walk towards him, letting him look his fill, loving the admiration in his eyes. He always felt so sexy around Elliott.

Climbing over him, Kurt moaned as their erections rubbed together. "You have me so primed, this isn't going to take long."

Grinning at that, Elliott reaching into the nightstand drawer for the lube, and poured a generous amount into his hand. "Mmmmm like all those times you jerked off in this bed as a teenager? Thinking about Justin Bieber?"

"Justin Timberlake," Kurt corrected, his chuckle turning into a moan as Elliott's large hand stroked over both of their cocks. Slicking them up.

They stopped talking then, arching and thrusting against each other, against his hands. It was sloppy and quick, and what they both just needed.

Within a few breathless minutes, Kurt was draped over Elliott, bonelessly panting.

Elliott rolled them over on the bed, and eased away. He went to Kurt's washroom, and came back with a warm, wet facecloth, and cleaned him up.

They snuggled together afterwards, and then Elliott kissed him. "And now we have lots of time for round two."

He kissed and stroked all over Kurt's body, giving him attention like he was a new lover, and Kurt sank back, enjoying it. Elliott was very thorough, and loved to tease. It wasn't long before Kurt was completely aroused again, and begging for more.

He glanced at the clock. How the hell had they already been having sex for that long? "Elliott, come on. My parents could get home soon." Often Carole encouraged Burt to not stay out too late, for his health.

Elliott chuckled. "So what? I'm sure they don't think you are a virgin, Kurt."

Kurt let out a moan as Elliott twisted two lubed fingers deeper inside him, hitting the perfect spot. "Yes, but I really don't need them to hear me, or you... ahhhh... please, please, Elliott..."

"Please what?" Elliott asked, tapping and stroking his prostate in a way Kurt loved best, his eyes shut tight at the sensations.

"Fuck me now, please..."

With those magic words, Elliott got a condom on and was pushing into him. After so many months, he knew how Kurt liked it, a hard, steady push all the way in. He liked the stretch.

Within a few minutes, they were both arching into every thrust, moaning, sweaty. Kurt rolled them over, riding him, the bed thumping against the wall. Not caring, as they both strained towards completion.

...

By the time Carole and Burt got home, they were showered and innocently watching a movie in their pyjamas, cuddling on the sofa. The kitchen was spotless.

Kurt smiled at his father. "Want some cake?" He held up his slice, covered in fruit and a generous dollop of whip cream.

"No, thanks. We had some at Wanda's," Burt said. "We are bushed. Another couple was there and the charades got quite competitive."

"OK. Goodnight," Kurt said, and Elliott echoed him. He just hoped the living room was dark enough that the bright red bites on his neck weren't that visible.

Turning the volume down a little, they stayed up late watching some old favourites. It was strange to kiss Elliott goodnight at his door later, and head back to his empty bed. It still smelled a bit of sex, of them.

...

"So, what's happening between you two?" Burt asked, as Kurt handed him a wrench.

It was nice putting around the shop together, enjoying being together just the two of them. Elliott had gone into Toledo with Rachel to shop, and catch up with 'her best gay'. The other workers had the day off.

Kurt just shrugged. "Not much. He's great, but we are just friends, Dad."

"Friends? Come on, Kurt," his father said, his tone skeptical.

"It hasn't been that long since the engagement ended," Kurt said softly.

"It's been six months! And you saw Blaine. He's living with Dave, you know. He's moved on."

Kurt sighed. Lima wasn't a big city. Everyone knew each other's business here. Hearing that about Blaine should have been shocking, but he just shrugged. "He seems happy."

"And you do too," Burt said, nudging a shoulder against Kurt. "I like Elliott, and so does Carole."

"Why are you pushing this, Dad? Flying him out here for me, and everything?" Usually his dad was supportive, but not actively involved in his dating life.

Burt put down his tools and grabbed a rag to wipe his hands, giving Kurt a steady look. "Actually, it was all his idea. He wanted to surprise you. He arranged it through Rachel, and she called me. Asked me to take credit for it."

Kurt was a bit stunned. "Um, why would he do that?"

Scoffing, Burt pulled him into a hug. "As a big romantic gesture, Kurt. He really cares about you."

Swallowing hard, Kurt took the comfort of his father's embrace. He missed being around him so much. Missed his advice, his practical view of the word.

Pulling back, Kurt looked him straight in the eye. "But things aren't really like that between us, Dad. Sure, we have fun together, but..."

"But what?"

Kurt thought back over the whole time he'd known Elliott. From his flamboyant audition in full Starchild costume, rocking the song and swinging on the chandelier, to the way he had comforted Kurt the day he'd spilled hot coffee all over both of them. All these fun months together, hanging out as friends. Hours and hours of great sex. Even after all this time, it was so good.

Burt our a hand on his shoulder, and gave it a squeeze. "I can tell he really likes you, Kurt. But he's holding back, waiting for a sign that you are completely over Blaine. That you are ready for more."

"Am I? I've only just started dating a guy in New York, and I asked him to put things on hold until January. I felt I needed to see Blaine. Get some closure there."

"What? Another guy besides Elliott?"

Kurt flushed a bit, looking downwards. "Yeah. I don't know if it could be something or not yet. There's a strong attraction, but..."

Burt nodded, taking his hand off his shoulder. "Well, it's your life, Kurt. You need to make your own choices. But from what I can see, there's only one guy who couldn't take being away from you. One guy making the effort to get to know your friends and family. If you go for new guy, you are going to lose what you have with Elliott."

He went back to work, knowing Kurt needed time to think things over.

...

-A/N: Hmmmm...Just 2 chapters left! Thanks for reading. :)


	5. Chapter 5

_Baby let me be, around you every night_  
_Run your fingers through my hair_  
_And cuddle me real tight_  
_Oh let me be (oh let him be) _  
_Your teddy bear..._

Kurt waved at Blaine who was singing on the stage, and led Elliott over to an empty space near Santana and Brittany.

"This looks almost the same as when we were juniors," Kurt chuckled, looking around Rachel's basement rec room.

Santana nodded, a little drunk. "When you were crushing hard on your brother still?"

"Step-brother," Kurt corrected, with a quick glance at Elliott. "But I was into Blaine by then."

The man on stage did a bow to the applause and left the stage, being replaced by Tina and Mercedes. He was dressed in red jeans with a black polo shirt, his bow tie coordinated with matching colours. He sat down next to Dave Karofsky, and got an enthusiastic kiss.

Elliott nudged Kurt's shoulder. "Does it bother you, seeing them together?"

"No, no. I'm happy he's happy," Kurt shook his head. "We went for a coffee before Christmas, and it was good to just hang out together as friends. No hard feelings about the past."

They were interrupted by other friends coming by, hugging Kurt and meeting Elliott. He was friendly with everyone, keeping a casual arm around Kurt's waist. Acting like a date.

"I'm going to sing, OK?" Elliott leaned in to whisper to Kurt, his spicy cologne smelling delicious.

It had been a while since Kurt had heard him sing in a more official setting, and he remembered his amazing 'Marry the Night' audition he'd done all those years ago. His friends were about to be amazed. Kurt smiled encouragingly. "Break a leg."

Elliott just grinned, his eyes lighting up with excitement. He shared this with Kurt, the love of performing. Of going on stage and projecting your most confident self, pushing it to your limits. He owned that little stage.

_Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little _  
_Can barely stand on my feet_  
_(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry) _  
_Lord, what you're doing to me (yeah yeah) _  
_I have spent all my years in believing you _  
_But I just can't get no relief, Lord! _  
_Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody) _  
_Can anybody find me somebody to love? _

Everyone was watching, mesmerized. Elliott was born to sing Queen, his voice just as strong with the high notes as the low. He worked the small stage like he was in front of a stadium crowd, getting right into it. He looked great, his hair spiked and his eyes smoky.

When he finished, everyone was on their feet, shooting and applauding, Santana and Kurt the loudest of them all.

"Fucking awesome!" she gushed, giving him a big hug. "You got Lady Hummel here all hot and bothered with that performance. Careful you don't sit on his wet spot."

Kurt rolled his eyes at his friend. When she was drinking, she had even less of a filter. So no filter at all. He hugged Elliott when she let go. "Yup. I got chills."

"And they're multiplying?" Elliott said with a private smile. "Are you about to lose control, Kurt?"

"Maybe," Kurt chuckled back, and hauled Elliott into the hallway, away from prying eyes. He kissed him, hard, the drinks he'd enjoyed earlier making his own reserve a little relaxed.

Elliott looked a bit dazed when they broke apart for air. "Mmmmm... I'll sing Queen to you everyday if it means you'll kiss me like that."

Kurt smiled, cuddling closer into his arms. Feeling happy, a bit drunk. Loving having such a fun night with his old friends, and how seamlessly Elliott had fit into the group.

"Um, Kurt, can I ask you something?" Elliott said softly.

"Sure," Kurt said, his face still tucked against his neck, breathing him in. Perhaps a little star struck by that performance.

Elliott took a deep breath. "Um, well, it was really nice of your dad to invite me out here. It's been great getting to know him and Carole, getting to meet your friends. Hanging out with you..."

Kurt pulled back, looking up at Elliott. "My dad said you were the one to arrange this visit."

The taller man looked away, and then met Kurt's eyes. He nodded, his lips pressed together in a flat line.

"Why?" Kurt asked, a bit confused about it all. They saw each other in New York, texted often. Why had he come here? Why had he lied about this?

He took a deep breath. "Because, Kurt, it felt like you've been pulling away from me lately. You said you were just busy at school, but I think something is changing. With you. With...us."

_Us. _Kurt blinked up at Elliott as he tried to figure out what he meant by bringing all this up. For months they had been hanging out so casually. Elliott had been OK with it, seeming so chill if Kurt was busy with school projects, seeing each other when it was mutually convenient. Was he changing, or was Elliott?

Elliott took his hand. "Kurt, when you spilled your coffee all over me, you were still getting over the end of your engagement. But it's been months now, and I can tell you are at a better place with all that."

Kurt nodded. "Yes, he has moved on, and I'm happy for him."

"Have you moved on too? Or do you want to?" Elliott asked, watching Kurt closely. No longer his usual laid-back self.

Did he somehow know about Sebastian? Had Kurt been cheating?

"Look, Kurt, I'm not accusing you of anything. We've basically been friends with benefits these past months, and I think we've both enjoyed it," Elliott rushed to say, his eyes still intense. "But now that you may be ready for more, I just want to say I am too."

"You are?"

Elliott let out a self-depreciative scoff. "Fuck, Kurt, I have to be completely honest here. I've been interested in you since the day I auditioned for you. I wanted to impress you so much I was swinging from the fucking chandelier. When you turned me down flat, said I didn't fit and I needed to tone it down, I was crushed."

"You didn't look like it. I'm so sorry, Elliott."

He just shrugged a shoulder. "I couldn't get you out of my mind. I stalked you, found out that you worked in that diner and dressed as normal as I could. I told myself I just wanted to be in your band, but I really just wanted to get to know you better."

Kurt's eyes widened. "Oh, I never realized..."

Elliott swallowed hard, looking flustered. "I don't know if you remember, but I had this whole speech prepared. I said 'First, is this toned down enough?'. I had it all planned, to get into the band, and then to ask to ask you out."

"But you never did..."

"Yeah, because Santana completely burst my bubble! You were being so friendly, asking where I was from and where I went to school, and saying I did well in the audition, so I was gearing up to ask you, when she told you to quit flirting. Mentioned that you have a fiancé."

Kurt gave a half-smile at that. He knew what it was like to be into someone who was unavailable. Or straight. "Um, sorry. I had no idea you liked me like that."

Elliott sighed, looking down at the ground. "Yeah, well, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. It was still fun being in the band, hanging out with you. Although I probably went a bit too far with you sometimes. I told you how Blaine got all up in my face about it."

"He did?"

Elliott chuckled, meeting his eyes. "He didn't tell you? It was soon after he had moved to New York. He burst into my apartment and told me to admit I was trying to steal you from him. Called me a steampunk glitter rock vampire and ranted about hair products, manliner and tats."

"A steampunk vampire?" Kurt asked, arching an eyebrow. "What did you tell him?"

"I lied and lied and lied," Elliott said, shaking his head. "I said we were just friends, and even though you were cute, I didn't like you that way."

"Cute," Kurt repeated with disdain. It was a word he loathed. It went with pink stuffed bunny rabbits and children playing in the park. It implied being vaguely appealing, but as sexy as a baby penguin.

"I know, right? It was such bullshit, but he bought it. Calmed down. We ended up jamming."

Kurt pulled away, crossing his arms over his chest. "So, you just acted like my friend."

"What else could I do? You two were in love. Although eventually I kind of eased out of being in the band. It just got too hard being around you that much."

"Until that day I literally bumped into you," Kurt said.

"Crashed into me, back into my life. Looking as gorgeous as ever. But you were a mess over Blaine. I could tell," Elliott said softly, putting an arm over his shoulder. A comforting gesture. "But it gave me hope. Maybe if I stuck close to you, I'd be there when you were ready to date again. Ready to try being in a relationship again."

"But we were having sex!" Kurt said, turning to face Elliott.

Elliott nodded. "Yeah, and it was great, but I could tell you mostly just saw me as a friend."

Kurt sighed. "I've never done that before. Been 'friends with benefits' before." Had he totally screwed it up? He didn't want to hurt his friend unintentionally.

"And then you ran into Sebastian," Elliott said, his tone flat.

Kurt flicked his eyes back to Elliott's face. Did he know? What should he tell him about it?

Elliott pushed Kurt against the wall, his hands against his shoulders. "Look, I know something is going on, but I'm hoping I'm not too late, saying all this. This is why I couldn't wait for you to get back to New York. I knew you'd be seeing Blaine over the holidays and just wanted- no- _needed _you to know that I really like you, Kurt. If you are ready for a boyfriend, I want you to consider me. You know how great we are together."

Kurt scoffed, a bit uncomfortable at this whole intense discussion. "You are acting like I'm putting out a sign, 'Boyfriend Wanted' and getting guys to audition or something."

"I'd audition for that in a heartbeat, Kurt. I can be whoever you want. Would you give me a chance? Let me date you?" Elliott asked, putting it all out there. Being incredibly brave.

"Fuck, Elliott, give me a minute," Kurt said, finding it even hard to think with Elliott looming over him, his blue eyes so intense.

Elliott seemed to realize it, looking embarrassed as he backed up, letting Kurt go. He wandered away, going to the stairs and sitting down, his head hanging down slightly. He seemed to be bracing himself for bad news.

Kurt took a few deep breaths, looking away from him. His feelings were a mess. All he knew for sure was that things were over with Blaine. He was moving on. Was Kurt ready for that too? Should he start dating Sebastian or Elliott or both? Or other guys? Or take a break from men altogether for a few months?

He thought about Sebastian. Sure, he was good-looking and funny, but Kurt had the feeling if they started dating when they got back, it would become sexual really fast. And no matter how much he'd changed, Kurt had the feeling Sebastian wasn't a long term relationship kind of guy yet. Maybe in a few more years.

Even in the past week, Sebastian has only texted him a couple times, just quick season's greetings and a couple flirty lines. He was giving Kurt the break he'd asked for.

But Elliott was the one who had been by him the longest. Supporting his relationship with Blaine when they'd been in the band together, never making Kurt feel uncomfortable, hiding away his feelings. And then supporting Kurt again this fall, helping him get over Blaine, being a good friend. A lover. Helping Kurt figure so much out. Putting his needs first again.

Knowing how he felt now, how flippant Kurt must have seemed at times. Thinking it was just as casual for Elliott. Having no qualms about talking with Sebastian at the bar. Had Elliott seen them and been hurt? Jealous? He had come up and hugged Kurt from behind, acting a bit possessive. Kurt hadn't seen it at all, declining his offer to go back to dancing. Feeling OK with leaving him with his friends when he went home.

But he hadn't talked about Sebastian with Elliott, his 'friend'. Had started saying he was busy with school and everything, spending less time together. No wonder Elliott thought he was pulling away.

He had to be honest with Elliott now. With himself. Before, he hadn't known Elliott had deeper feelings about him, but he did now. They couldn't continue on like before. Kurt had to choose. Date Sebastian, Elliott, or nobody. If he didn't decide to date Elliott, he'd probably never see him again, even as a friend. It just wouldn't be fair to him.

His dad had said the same thing, but it hadn't sunk in. It did now.

No more going to the nightclubs to drink and dance and flirt. No more marathons of 'Project Runway' or 'Drag Race', making snarky comments for hours. No more exploring the city at night, searching for the best hot dog, alternating taking bites. Arguing over condiments. No more singing loudly to the radio while they cooked or did the dishes. No more teasing and flirting, all those little touches that had them rushing back to the nearest bed. No more incredible sex.

Kurt's heart was thumping, but he took a deep breath and stepped up to the railing of the stairs. Letting it be a barrier, something to hold on to.

Elliott's head snapped up, and he was about to stand, but Kurt waved for him to stay seated. "You had time to think of what to say, Elliott. I'm still working through everything."

"Ok," Elliott said, looking anxious.

"Um, well, you were right about a lot of things. I am over Blaine now. I have been considering dating, wondering if I'm ready to be 'out there' again. Thinking about what dating is like in New York. Should I hold off having sex with someone I'm dating? Part of me thinks I should wait until we have deeper feelings, but I think that's kind of what screwed things up with Blaine. We loved each other, but as teenagers. We had sex, but we had no idea what we are doing. You told him you thought I was 'cute' and I bet he just accepted that, because that was really how he saw me."

Kurt let out a shuddering breath, trying to keep from crying. He'd shed enough tears over Blaine now.

"Maybe becoming 'friends with benefits' with you was a bad thing. I had no idea about your feelings, and I probably treated you like shit. Unintentionally. But I can't regret getting to know you better. All the fun we had. All the amazing times in bed."

"Fuck, this sounds like you are saying goodbye," Elliott said, looking sad.

"No! No," Kurt said, biting his lip. "I'm sorry, I'm probably saying this horribly wrong. But I have to say you were right that I was pulling away, that I'm considering dating again, that I'm considering Sebastian."

Elliott did jump up then, grabbing the railing and looking at Kurt. "Kurt, please give me a chance. Let me date you too. Let me show you what I'd be like as a boyfriend."

"You can't audition for a role that's already filled," Kurt said softly, and then he put his hand around the back of Elliott's neck, pulling him down to kiss.

There was a second where Elliott seemed frozen, and then he was kissing Kurt back hard. Leaning over the railing at such an awkward angle, it made Kurt chuckle, and pull away. "Should we go somewhere else? Somewhere private?"

"Fuck, yes," Elliott breathed out, looking stunned and happy. Disbelieving. "The Hancock?"

Kurt chuckled again. "That's one of the fanciest hotels in town. Were you planning on luring me there or something?"

"No, no," Elliott gave a shy smile back. "I looked at what was available in case you didn't like my surprise. In case it made you uncomfortable and I needed to stay somewhere else."

"Let's go," Kurt said, and he urged Elliott up the stairs. They grabbed their coats and were soon in the back of a taxi.

Elliott grabbed him, kissing him again, but Kurt pulled away, glancing towards the driver. "We'll be there soon," he panted, trying not to groan loudly as Elliott ran a hand up his thigh. "Fuck, you're killing me," he moaned, leaning against Elliott's neck.

Nothing was that far from anything else in Lima, and Kurt was urging the cabbie to drive fast. Elliott was starting to smirk at his urgency, but made the taxi stop at a supermarket on the way. Before Kurt could ask why, he ran into the store.

Kurt just shook his head, and pulled out his phone. Time for some slightly embarrassing texts.

**Santana, Elliott and I have left the party. Will you please let Rachel know? -K**

**Dad, Elliott and I have been drinking a fair bit, so we are crashing nearby for the night. See you tomorrow. -K**

His dad replied first, saying that was a good idea.

**You finally going to fuck Starchild? Get him to wear the top hat. -S**

Kurt just rolled his eyes at her reply, and went to the hotel's website. He was able to reserve a room.

Elliott came back with a grocery bag and a wide grin. Kurt just laughed out loud, and urged him back into the cab.

...

-A/N: Yay! They are together! Time to celebrate!

-Teddy Bear: Blaine's song was sung by Elvis Presley in his second movie, 'Loving You', at the height of his 'young Elvis' dishy period. Teddy Bear "was a U.S. No. 1 hit for during the summer of 1957, staying at No. 1 for seven weeks, the third of the four Presley had that year." I can picture Blaine singing it to Dave, since it's probably Dave's nickname for him. I'm not a big believer in this part of Blaine's storyline from the show, but for the sake of this fic, let's have them happy together. The lyrics also have the lines, '_Put a chain around my neck, and lead me anywhere...'_. Kinky!

-Someone To Love: This iconic 1976 Queen song was heavily influenced by Freddie Mercury's fascination with Aretha Franklin and they tried to create the soulful sound of a 100-voice gospel choir by deep layering the vocal tracks of three singers: Mercury, Brian May, and Roger Taylor. It is "a song about faith, desperation and soul-searching; the singer questions the lack of love experienced in his life". (Wikipedia) I think it captures how Elliott and Kurt are both feeling, wondering if they can find love. Google 'Adam Lambert with Queen' to watch him performing it. I like the live one from Sydney in 2018.

-Fic Title: 'Finding My Beat' is a variation of the lyrics from this iconic Queen song. One of the middle verses has '_Got no feel, I got no rhythm, I just keep losing my beat...'. _This is how Kurt feels at the beginning of this fic. He is trying to get over the engagement ending, throwing himself into 3rd year at NYADA and dating. He's not himself yet. Hasn't defined who he is without Blaine yet. He needs to find himself before he can be in a relationship again.


	6. Epilogue

"Mmmmm...," Kurt moaned as Elliott kissed down his spine. "That feels good."

Elliott rubbed his scruff against the sensitive skin of Kurt's lower back, his hands stroking over the curve of his ass. "I'll probably let you sleep eventually."

Chuckling, Kurt rolled over. "Come here," he said softly.

Shifting up the bed, Elliott laid on his side next to Kurt. They were both naked, with messy hair. Showing the effects of the last couple hours.

The room didn't look much better. There was an ice bucket with an empty bottle of champagne upended in it, and some glasses nearby. A tray with the remains of a room service meal was on the floor. Condom wrappers were bright coloured spots on the beige carpet.

Kurt kissed him thoroughly. "I love what you are doing, but I'll still be here in the morning. I won't run off the second you go to sleep."

"Some kinky version of Cinderfella? 'Dance' with me all night, and run off at sunrise?" Elliott joked.

"And you know there's no fucking way I'd leave a single shoe behind," Kurt added. "I like the spirit of this, um, celebration, but-"

"Enough already?" Elliott finished the sentence. He gathered Kurt in a hug. "I guess I'm still in shock that we are 'together' now. Dating."

"Boyfriends," Kurt stated firmly. "Frankly, we have been acting more like boyfriends the past few months than 'friends with benefits'. I don't think things will change much."

"Except when a guy like Sebastian starts giving you the eye, I will probably act obnoxiously possessive."

Kurt chuckled. "Charge into their apartments and called them Steampunk Vampires?"

"Glitter Rock Vampires," Elliott corrected.

Brushing his hair back off his face, Kurt looked at Elliott, deep into his eyes. "I'm with you now, Elliott. Let's give this a fair chance to grow into whatever it can be. I'm still a bit bruised from the past, so I'm grateful you haven't rushed me. I really care about you, but let's wait a few months before we say the 'L' word or talk about living together or anything, OK?"

"I've been into you a long time, Kurt-"

His words were cut off by a quick kiss. "I know. But things might feel different after being boyfriends a few months. You might have some idealized version of me or something I can't live up to. Who knows?"

Elliott nodded, cuddling against his side. "Got it."

Kurt hugged him tight. Feeling so much. Excited about going back to New York as boyfriends. Knowing that Elliott was a mature, considerate man who would respect Kurt's boundaries. He knew more about relationships than Kurt did, and being friends so long, they were comfortable talking things out.

His hand stroked down his chest, and Elliott gave an appreciative hum. The sound sparked something in Kurt, and he shifted closer to kiss down his neck. He wanted to give Elliott back some attention that he'd been lavishing on Kurt. It was time to show Elliott how incredible he found him.

Kurt had kissed down Elliott's chest before, but never like this. Never as his boyfriend. His attention completely on the other man, just focussed on bringing him pleasure. Showing his feelings nonverbally.

"Fuck, Kurt, you look so hot right now," Elliott panted, his eyes slitted in pleasure as he arched into Kurt's touch.

He loved that. Elliott saw Kurt as a man, not as some sixteen-year-old virgin, still awkwardly trying to be brave in his sexuality and fashion choices. Not the way Blaine or even Sebastian saw him.

By the time he'd met Elliott, he was looking his best and more confident in himself. He had taken on the challenges of moving to New York, getting a job at Vogue and figuring out how to live with Rachel and Santana. Proven his singing abilities by getting into NYADA with that impromptu audition at the Winter Showcase, and beating Rachel in a singing "diva-off". Weathered the break-up, dated Adam, and gotten engaged to Blaine. Was taking on even more with working at the diner and starting a band.

That was the Kurt that Elliott had been attracted to, right from the start. And Kurt could see right away that Elliott was talented, confident, and stood up to his friends. He didn't get pulled into Rachel's and Santana's dramas, rising above it all. He was friendly with Blaine, despite his feelings and that Blaine had told him to back off. He was a good band mate, sharing the spotlight. There was an ease and maturity to him that Kurt wanted to have himself.

He kissed his way downwards, his hands and mouth making Elliott writhe and moan in pleasure, and Kurt loved seeing him like this. Lost in the moment, giving himself to Kurt so trustingly. He wanted to be just as good a boyfriend to Elliott, make him just as happy.

The past few months had made Kurt much more confident in bed, and he used this knowledge to get Elliott into a panting, begging state. Fucked him, teased him, edged him. When he finally got him off, he knew it was intense, leaving him breathless and crooning Kurt's name reverently.

Satisfied, Kurt cleaned them up and snuggled beside his man, giving him a soft kiss as they drifted off to a well-deserved sleep.

"Are you sure we have to hold off a few months before saying the 'L' word?" Elliott said softly, his half-closed eyes filled with warmth and deeper emotions.

"Yes," Kurt chuckled.

Elliott let out a playful scoff. "Fine. Well, I 'L' you very much, Kurt Hummel."

Kurt's heart pounded at hearing that, and he closed his eyes tight. Maybe it was just Elliott being caught up in the relief and emotions of the night, happy that they were officially boyfriends now. Maybe it was just endorphins from hours of great sex. Maybe it was this time of year, when everyone seemed cuddled up with their partners. Maybe he'd settle in to being boyfriends and the feelings of this night would fade back to the normal affection they had for each other. Maybe he felt it in the moment and it wouldn't last.

By the time Kurt opened his eyes, Elliott was asleep. They hadn't slept together much, since Kurt hadn't thought it was something friends with benefits should do. It gave Kurt to look at Elliott as long as he wanted, his eyes tracing over his face, the beautiful man he come to know and care about so much. The man who had crept into his life, snuck in the back door. Become his closest friend the last few months. His lover.

Maybe what Elliott had said was true. Maybe Kurt felt it too. Maybe this was the start of something amazing.

...

-A/N: Thanks so much for reading my Kelliott story! I know it's not the most popular ship in Glee, but I always liked the two of them on the show and the way they interact as friends in real life. I had him as Kurt's friend in my first fanfic, 'F*ck, Marry, Kill', and as a bit of a villain in 'The Rebel Prince', but those were more AU version of him. It was fun to write him more like he was in canon.

-Elliott with Glee Cast: I like him in all the scenes with Rachel, Santana and Blaine, easily holding his own against them and standing up to their bullshit. He tells Rachel not to call him 'her best gay', befriends jealous Blaine and tells Santana her plans against Rachel are very 'high school'. I think Kurt and Elliott would bring out the best in each other, and have a much more adult, mature relationship than Kurt could with Blaine at this phase of their lives


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